Heart Breaks, Regrets and Nothing Else
by Ellie-Isabella99
Summary: All Mara had wanted since discovering Jerome had cheated on her with Willow was revenge; to show him how much he had wounded her. But she still loved him, and that was one wound that would take so much more than revenge to heal...
1. Chapter 1

"Why does it matter to you Mara? I just thought you wanted revenge…"

Joy failed to understand what was going round Mara's head; she understood that she was mad at Jerome for cheating on her and her way of finding some peace with the whole situation was to use Joy to break his heart like he had Mara's. But she'd already publicly humiliated him with that list her and Willow created and dished out- hell Joy had even helped them at first…but then Mara turned cruel. Her toxic words impacted Jerome in a way Joy had never seen before. She knew what Jerome had done was wrong and she was the first to tell that to Mara and Willow, but she'd also seen a completely different side to Jerome while they'd been 'dating'. A sensitive, compassionate, and damaged boy who had gone through so much it was a surprise he wasn't a stone-hearted monster. And slowly but surely, they weren't just 'dating' anymore to Joy; it felt real. But now Jerome hated her, and so did Mara.

"Because he broke _my _heart! He was _my _boyfriend, this was _my _jacket to wear when I got cold, and those were _my _drawings to make me smile in class! And these were important to _me_! It was supposed to be _me _who Jerome cared about!" Mara cried in exasperation and angrily swept at the bitter tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. She charged around the room, sweeping up Jerome's jacket and pictures into her arms all the while Joy just looked on helplessly. Both failed to notice a certain boy loitering in the door frame to listen to the rest of the conversation, and that he'd heard so much of it already.

"Mara, I know he hurt you bu-

"_No Joy_, it's not about him 'hurting me' anymore!" She finally stopped pacing the room and stood directly in front of Joy, struggling to refrain from collapsing onto the floor in tears.

"But that's what this has all been about, hurting him! Breaking his heart the way he broke yours! But you've _done _that now, he _knows _that I've been using him; isn't that enough for you? Isn't that what you wanted? He's hurt and upset Mara, just like you wanted him to be, why does it matter if I really do have feelings for him or not?" Joy trailed off bitterly, realising the truth to her words and how it was too little too late. She'd ruined it, she'd wrecked her chances with Jerome and knowing this wasn't the best feeling in the world.

"_Because he likes you! _And if you like him, there's no reason for you two not to be together! There's nothing stopping him from moving on with another girl, but he _can't_" Mara's voice cracked at the end of her sentence, her heart _thud thud thudding _inside of her chest. The mere prospect of him actually dating Joy sending her dizzy with torment and pain. _No_, she thought. _This isn't what was supposed to happen…_

"You've hurt him Mara, he knows not to do it to another girl again. He's not going to hurt me-

"I KNOW HE'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT! I CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE'S MOVING ON WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND IM STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM!" she instantly regretted the way she screamed her hidden truth, quickly clamping her hands over her mouth as she said it. But it was too late, her words were snatched from her mouth leaving them ringing in Joy's- and unbeknownst to Mara and Joy, Jerome's- ears.

"You're…you're in love with him?" Joy's whisper barely reached Mara's ears, as she could hardly believe the words herself. She had never, ever, guessed that Mara felt that way about Jerome. Even when they were dating, she never believed her feelings ran so deep. Since Jerome's cheating ways had become apparent, all Joy had seen from Mara was anger. But now she could see why; the anger was to cover up the unbearable pain she was hiding underneath. _She loved him._

"I can't help it; I know that I shouldn't and that it's stupid to think that way, but I do. And I know that he doesn't feel the same way otherwise he would have never cheated on me in the first place, and that he wouldn't have feelings for you right now. But he does, and that's_ killing me_"

"I'm so, so, sorry Mara. I didn't know you felt like-

"No, let me finish. I need to get this off my chest…I love him so much, he was the first person to make me feel like I was perfect- he treated me that way. And even if I wasn't, that didn't matter because I had him. Him who was kind, and smart, and caring, and actually understood me way better than half the people in my life could. I love him, and everything that makes him _Jerome. _His cocky little smile, the way he cares so much about his hair, the way him and Alfie still act like kids around each other, the way his eyes shine when he talks about Poppy because I know she means so much more to him than he lets on to anybody, even her. And the way he put me first, before everything else in his life. He made me feel special, because he was _so, so special_. And when I found out that he was also seeing Willow, it hurt me so much. Because he was mine, he was _my _perfect boyfriend. And it was his fault that I didn't have that anymore, that I didn't have _him _anymore. And I wanted him to feel that pain…at first. But then when I realised that you had genuine feelings for him, that wasn't what I wanted. This whole time I'd really just been waiting for him to turn around and beg for my forgiveness. To tell me how sorry he was, and how much he knew he had hurt me but he'd make it up to me some way, somehow. And he'd still be mine at the end of it. But now he's not" Mara couldn't control the sobs that rocked her body or the tears that blurred her vision no matter how many of them she tried to sweep away.

As both girls stood in silence, neither sure what to say nor do, Jerome made his presence known. His deliberate, slow footsteps echoed around the bedroom gaining him the attention he was seeking. He wanted to apologise, to take it all back, and to rekindle the relationship that she'd described that he'd loved. But before he had the chance to say anything, Mara spoke.

"You heard all that?" Mara asked although it was more of a statement than a question. She stared right into his eyes to see what emotions her dramatic outburst had sparked from him.

He nodded.

"Good. So now you know. Now you know how I'm just some broken, pathetic girl who's in love with a boy who's never going to love her back. _Now you know how much you hurt me_" she finished off with a bleak smile before beginning to head for the door

* * *

**Not sure whether to make this a one-shot or to carry on with it as another ****_Jara _****story- sorry ****_Jeroy _****shippers! Anyway, if I get enough reviews with people who want this to continue or if I get any ideas, I shall update again soon(ish). Read, enjoy, review! :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

It took every ounce of self-power Mara had left to get herself out of bed on Monday. Mondays are Mondays; they're never going to be enjoyable or easy to wake up to. But seen as for Mara it would be the first day she'd be facing Joy and Jerome again since her little outburst, it was particularly challenging that day.

Of course she was above all the weeping and crying now by this point, she wasn't going to let her emotions continuously overwhelm her to the point where it was uncomfortable for her housemates to watch. She was going to be strong, calm and collected, she'd decided the previous night before she succumbed to the pleasurable bliss of sleep. It wouldn't do her studies any good either if she let her feelings simmer above the surface, tripping her up at every hurdle. No, all her _Jerome _feelings were going to stay locked away in a little box inside of her until she was willing to deal with them properly again. She didn't want to be upset, so she decided, why should she be? Joy could have him, she really could. But Mara wouldn't care, because her feelings would be locked away in a little Jerome box with a little Jerome key in a little Jerome sized space in her heart.

But they didn't know that, for all they expected Mara was probably going to walk down those stairs, heavy black bags under her eyes from loss of sleep-that was if she came down at all. Maybe she'd 'pull a sicky' and stay off so that she didn't have to face them. The hardest part for her would be to walk into that dining room and be compared with their expectations, each person's different and each more degrading than the last.

By the time Mara was up and ready, she'd finished mentally preparing herself for the oncoming onslaught that was the words of her friends. As was to be expected, the room fell into a stiff silence as soon as Mara entered. Although it was just Jerome and Joy who had witnessed the dramatic outburst the previous day, she assumed that word has spread throughout her housemates. Obviously Jerome had told Alfie, his roommate and best friend and Joy had explained the situation to Patricia and after that initial informant she was sure it spread worse than a game of Chinese whispers. No doubt some details had probably been exaggerated by the time it had reached the last of her friends. And there it was.

The silence.

None sure what to say or do, everyone seated just exchanged uneasy glances before uncomfortably looking back at Mara who still stood in the doorway slightly unsure of herself.

"Hey Mara" Nina offered a friendly smile, trying to diffuse the tension. Mara was very grateful for this, appreciative of the fact that her and Nina had grown closer in the past months since she'd stopped sneaking around all of the time with 'the Scooby gang' as Jerome liked to call them. She still didn't know what all that was about, and then chastised herself for thinking about the things Jerome used to share with her while they were still together._ Stop that, _she reprimanded herself. _He's not with you anymore, he's with Joy. And you're fine with that, because all your feelings for him are locked away in a little Jerome box with a little Jerome key in a little Jerome sized space in your heart._

"Good morning everybody" she smiled brightly, earning her a few concerned looks from around the table as she took her seat next to Patricia.

"So, Mara…" Patricia coughed, trying to establish what it was that Mara was doing here. This was_ not _what she had been expecting when she came down to breakfast this morning.

"Yes, Patricia?" Mara's sweet smile emitted shock from a number of concerned faces from around the table, but then she became annoyingly conscious of the fact that their usual ten was only a nine.

"Nothing, just…you look nice today" Patricia shrugged her shoulders in defeat, she did not understand this one bit. Sad Mara, she expected. Angry Mara, it was a given. Even bed-ridden Mara was a possibility. But calm, bright and very unexpectedly happy Mara? Now that was simply confusing. Maybe Joy _had _exaggerated when she told her about what had happened during Mara's 'meltdown' the previous day…

One little thing was still niggling at her mind, as she once again scanned the faces of the people who sat before her. But before Mara could confirm with herself whether it was appropriate or not to ask, Fabian did it for her.

"Has anyone seen Jerome this morning?"

"Yeah, he headed off early to catch up on some school work or something" Alfie shrugged offhandedly as if this was a common thing for Jerome, as he helped himself to another pile of pancakes coated in syrup and cream.

Patricia snorted, unconvinced as Joy's face crumpled in a frown wondering why her boyfriend had left so early.

That annoyed Mara, the fact that Joy seemed to have already become so dependent and clingy.

But then Mara gently reminded herself that it didn't in fact bother her because her feelings for Jerome were locked away in a little Jerome box with a little Jerome key in a little Jerome sized space in her heart.


End file.
